So turns out that The Dino Grad Guy was a bit of a smart arse. The morning of our second date I get the following message from him (thank you, G-chat):
me: ouch
not sure if I can compete with that
maybe I shouldn't even go
The Dino Grad Guy: I think you need the competition. it wouldn't be fun for you otherwise.
I already knew that he was a smart arse, but it continued to astound me. I have pasted the email sent to the girls the morning after the date. Edited, of course, for mature audiences only! Ha ha. More like, be prepared for me to look like an ass.
So I'm beyond confused by my date last night. The date part of it went well. We got beers and chatted. Then went out to the Berkeley Marina to watch the lunar eclipse. And while we were out there, he starts telling me how many people he's slept with (5) & how the average was two dates, etc. And I just laughed about it, etc. He also mentioned that he was actually easy, and had I wanted to sleep with him on Date #1, I could have. But we ended up making out at the pier or whatever. Then we headed back to get dinner. After that, we went back to his place and started watching tv & making out etc. And he's like "Do you want to go to my room?" And I was like, "Yeah, but I’m not going to sleep with you." And we proceeded to continue to make out for a while longer. And then suddenly he's like "So how long am I going to keep you out till?" (Its like 1015) And I was like "Depends. Am I taking BART home or do you want to drive me to my car?" and he was like 'Umm. BART. I don’t want to drive that far." Me "Um. All right. Well whenever." Him "It's just that Steve (his roommate) mentioned getting a drink with a friend I haven't seen for a while." Me "All right. So I'm being kicked out bc I'm going to sleep with you?" (The flow of the conversation made sense. It wasn't long after the whole bedroom conversation. It also wasn’t the first time he mentioned the second date sex thing.) Him "It's not like that. I wasn't expecting anything." So the conversation goes about in circles for a bit about him wanting to go have a drink & my needing to leave & its just weird bc I'm getting the impression that I'm being kicked out bc I'm not going to sleep with him. So finally I say, "Go meet your friends for drinks, that’s fine." And yes it was slightly sarcastic. Him, "That was just an excuse, I'm just really tired. I want to go to bed." Me, "So the truth would have gotten you a lot further in this conversation." And now I’m annoyed bc it's like, really? You couldn't just ask me to leave bc you wanted to go to bed? And I'm confused. And annoyed that I have no idea whether the kid is interested in me or not. And yes, I do mention that. The jack ass is so f'ing sarcastic he makes me look like a saint. And I can never tell when he's serious or not. (Example: the two blond undergrads – which wasn’t even true.) So anyway. I get up to leave. And he's like "I'll walk you to BART." Me "It’s cool. I know how to get there." Him "Are you sure?" Me "Yeah. It's fine. I'll be fine." And I got up to leave & he's like wait cuz I've left my scarf on the couch. (Can I just mention here that I would have been SO angry if I had left my COACH scarf at his place? I would have been SO ANGRY!!!) And hugs me good bye and goes for a kiss, and when he fails, he looks defeated. And I was like "It's not like that. I do want to see you again, The Dino Grad Guy, and not just in passing bc I'm in
So I'm just confused for the multitudes of above but also because I get the impression that he likes me but then I also get the impression that he doesn't. It's very strange. And I don't know if I want to go out with him again either. I can only handle so much sarcasm. In fact, there's a really good analog from my own experience that reminds me of this. When I worked at Carrows I had a crush on my co worker, Jason. And we went out once or twice. And then nothing. I remember talking to my manager about it, and she was like "Well, you're ruthless with him." And I'm like "What are you talking about? I'm just joking around." Her "I poke fun at him. You bite of his arm." And thats sort of how I feel with The Dino Grad Guy. It's more of a biting off the arm then the poking of fun. Also, I would like to point out that I'm fairly certain that he was a complete nerd in high school & is just starting to come into his own. And I think that makes him co ck y in a bad way.
Oh! And one other question... So making out is supposed to consist of French kissing right? And that's supposed to comprise of tongue. Right? Or have I been kissing all wrong for 12 years?
End email.
One other bit. When we were at the
Okay. So in retrospect, I made some mistakes on this date that are similar to what the Anonymous comment to Date #4 refers to. Mostly, I was interested and probably let that be known a little too well. Also, I wasn’t up for having sex with him on the second date. Maybe that was the problem. Whatever. It was an experience. I left angry. We haven’t really chatted since then. Oh but Anna has something to say about it. Here we go:
From Anna:
I was going to write something completely different until I read the last bit about french kissing.
Yes, he was a complete nerd. I think it's some sort of epidemic with former nerds. Like we all got french-kissing lessons in health and guidance but they were too busy playing Dungeons & Dragons (SORRY RYAN!) and missed the class. That being said, perhaps he does have a case of gotta-makeup-for-lost-time-itis. That would explain the 2 date average (or am I just out of date on 3-5 being the normal # of dates prior to shagging... (is that an ok word, Kel?)) So maybe if you're wanting this to be something more than hanging out/making out/ having fun, he may not be the right candidate. He may want to play the field for a while. My recommendation would be to take half of your eggs out of this basket. In fact, make that 75%- Just in case. That way if something develops, you're pleasantly surprised, but if he turns out to be some jerk that never calls, or is entirely too sarcastic to be fun to hang out with, or is just trying to get as much action as possible, you haven't lost too much. I'd say do this on your own terms. As long as you're having fun, and enjoying his company (it being mutual and all) go for it, knock yourself out. And if you feel like you're more invested than he is, or if he's no longer enjoyable leave him to the blond undergrads (greasy hair, print t-shirts and all- oh I saw the girls in Ryan's classes....).
On the topic of sarcasm. Beware. It's funny at first, endearing even. But I can tell you from my experience with Ryan it gets really old, really fast. Just a little proviso, something to keep in mind as you're figuring out whether you like him and want to keep seeing him. Other than that, I'd say if you're up for it, give it another shot and see if he's perpetually confusing. See if he likes you/if you like him. I mean it's only been two dates. It takes a while to figure that stuff out sometimes. Even if you know how you feel, it may take him longer- hence the confused feeling you get. Just try to take things slow and see how they progress. Again just don't put all your eggs in the basket (You've got like 40K of them he really only needs 1 or 2 K at this point. LOL-can you tell I just gave a lecture on genetics/biology?)
I'm not sure what to make of the "drink with a friend"/"i'm tiered" business, maybe Kel can shed some light on that... I'm wondering though, if he said the thing about being tiered because he thought it wouldn't hurt your feelings as much as him going to get a drink with friends (especially if you said "Go meet your friends... etc." a little bit sarcastically). Maybe he was trying to backpedal after realizing it was kind of a stupid thing to say. I don't know, this is just conjecture on my part.
Oh! And Nicole agreed that making out includes tongue.
9 comments:
Sorry, but the editor in me can't let this one slide....in this section, you need to insert a NOT.... Me "All right. So I'm being kicked out bc I'm going to sleep with you?" (The flow of the conversation made sense. It wasn't long after the whole bedroom conversation. It also wasn’t the first time he mentioned the second date sex thing.)
;)
I would just like to say "Well done, Cyndi!!"
I find it both hilarious and awesome that #1 people are finding this and taking it so damn personally and seriously; and #2 That people feel they know you just through reading this blog... Just goes to show that you are an excellent writer and story teller, and I hold to my suggestion that you need to write a book! The people want more!!! :)
Love you, Cyn!!!
I find this discussion here really interesting and fascinating and I'm a big fan of my friend Cyndi, who is a great writer. When I'm interested in someone or something, I like to pretend it's not worth taking it too seriously or personally, because that helps me feel less vulnerable. And because it's scary to feel vulnerable. Like most women, one of my favorite cards is the bullshit "You don't know me" care. A time-honored classic. Like most women, I play this one as soon as a man has me figured out. Because I'm attracted to men that are hard to figure out and elusive and I'm afraid that as soon as I do start making sense to a a hard to figure out and elusive man he'll just lose interest in me. I admit I do this out of fear and just not trusting the moment and letting things unfold as they will, so it suprises me that these sorts of men don't have much interest in me. It's like they think they're wasting their time just because I spend so much energy hiding who I am from them and not embracing my attraction for them seriously or personally. Do you know who I am ?
By the way, I'd like to amend what I said about the Great Mentioner. On his best days, he's one of the most fascinating and interesting people I know.
And also the whole respect my privacy thing is just a law I made up to separate the criminals from the outlaws.
Ok. So a few things. JK. You did NOT leave your URL for us to read all about you. Bummer. Would like to try to make sense of most of what you are saying.
In response to your first post - it's how the email was written so I chose to keep it that way. Besides, too much effort to edit.
I'm slightly confused if you left the message regarding Date #4, but that's cool. Your opinion. And you do seem to have quite a few.
I get that the guy was an asshole, so I won't even try to dispute that. I might even agree that he had some things going on in his life that weren't allowing him to be open to really meeting new people.
The whole point of this blog is for me to tell my stories of my dates. I never once tried to say that the stories weren't going to be biased, and that I wasn't going to try to convey myself in the best possible light. I won't argue that some of the dates were bad because of me. I'm a bitch. I know that. If I'm not interested in you, you are probably better off watch acid burn your skin. I'm not really going to care what you are saying. I'm going to play devil's advocate. And I'm going to be playing games in my head to pass the time.
In regards to vulnerability. Please don't comment on what may or may not come off in blogs. You aren't on the dates. Ask The Great Mentioner how different he thinks our dates were. Or if I was boring. Or if he thought he mentioned his ex that many times. He's going to have a different POV on the whole experience. And again I will stress that this is solely from my POV and how I want to make them sound. It's part of the experience. It sounding extreme is far more entertaining then the reality of mundane conversation.
You don't know me. You don't know my history. And you don't know what I've been through. I am who I am because of things I've dealt with. Prior to my boyfriend dying, I wasn't much for vulnerability. I don't think I ever will be. And I sure as fuck don't think you should show deep vulnerability on a first date.
And yes. I've dated assholes. But I've also dated good guys. I have friends that are assholes and ones who don't how to be an asshole. I am well versed in the realm of assholism. I can almost always predict it before it comes. It's been I get thrown that sucks.
To Nicole - I know! I love it too! Me and Kel really should write a book.
To JK - Get over the vulnerability nonsense. Nicole is one of my best friends. Just like the rest of them, they do care. But just like me, they don't take this whole online dating blog too seriously. You can't. Life's too short. Oh and I'm sure that The Great Mentioner will be very happy to see the amends you made. I'm sure he's been up all night wishing you would have worded it that way the first time. Next time, please just text him to let him know.
A) I amended what I said about the Great Mentioner because that's what felt right in the moment. I didn't worry about what it would or wouldn't look like. That's your bag, baby. People love to believe that I'm writing all this stuff and not getting something out of it.
B) You're not a bitch. You know it. I know it. And the only reason you just say things like that is, well there isn't a good reason, except maybe you are sometimes at loss for how to respond. Let me show you. If I a guy called you a bitch I'd probably ask him what his favorite ninja turtle is. And then when he said what? I'd say FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOU! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOU. Here's what you have to understand if a guy calls a sweet girl a bitch, he's weak. He'll always lose in a fight so you can get away with ridiculous shit. If he were really big I'd probably even get in his face really start screaming it and maybe throw a punch, because really, what's the worst that could happen. And I know, the thing is, in a situation like that, you really can't let up until the guy leaves or else he'll think he knows what's going on. So I don't know, maybe I'd throw pizza at him. I don't know. Sounds like a good time though. If a guy ever complains that you've somehow managed to hurt his feelings he's probably a little girl with soft skin who shouldn't be dating someone as sweet and vulnerable as you are. Why, if anything, you're just a cute, little cuddly little kitten without any claws! Rawr!
C) The you don't know me card. A time-honored classic. Didn't see that one coming.
D) I'm sure you're a very lovely girl but my only real point was this, Cyndi. You're probably a very lovely girl, but if you don't know how to put yourself out there on a first date, what makes you think anyone worth dating would take you out on a second? I get that it saves you a lot of time with the assholes and the jerks and what not, but what about when you meet someone who's okay and you want to know more... then what?
E) I don't know. FUCK E. I never liked that fuckin' letter.
F) The Great Mentioner rather liked you. I think. I don't know. I don't know half of what he's talking about sometimes and sometimes that's exactly what I need. Just seemed there wasn't much sexual charge for whatever reason. I don't know maybe you're cold in the sack?
H) I was able to find my URL on your blog. Not sure if you're being serious here or just playing another game. That's kind of the problem with games, kiddo. Winning becomes more important than having fun. But you win Cyndi, I am vanquished from whence I came.
Cyn!
Choosy + Opinionated + Strong-willed =/= Bitch...
Just enjoy the games, and accept them as such - games.
Oh, by the way. I will be in CA this summer (then off to Belgium), so prepare yourself for all the nerdy delicious fun we are going to have! I would love to hear more about all these stories in person...
I really must say...I'm quite confused by all these comments from anonymous/jk/a bird of flame/The Great Mentioner.
Is this one person?...It seems as though the great mentioner might have discovered your scrawlings and turning into the grand inquisitor...
I'm too tired to interpret ramblings, so just expect a call from me soonish.
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