I'm going to hell

So I realized today that I'm going to hell. While relaying many conversations to my friends about the boy (the Car Guy) I've been talking to over the last week, it finally dawned on me that I'm a closet bitch. And rather judgemental, but we already knew that, right? So what incited such an epiphany? Well, sit back, relax, and read on.

So while out with the Car Guy this past weekend the inevitable conversation about the "ex" comes up. (His, not mine.) Now, mind you, I have already seen every aspect of his myspace page and hers. It's sickening if you ask me. And no, I can't handle the recent advent of all this technology. It makes me drunk with knowledge. It's too much for me to handle. But look at the pages I did. And learned a lot I did. So much that I actually texted all my friends asking for their input. Anyway. I have to point out that this girl, in my opinion, is not very attractive. Yes. I'm going to hell. I accept it. So during the conversation I ask what happened, etc., and we go through the gamut of why they broke up, etc. And during the whole thing, I'm just picturing these two together in my head and it just doesn't compute. And finally he's like, "Yeah, she's overweight but she has a hellof pretty face." At which point, I'm able to maintain my look of shock and not burst out laughing. He's like, "I'm sure you've seen her on my myspace page." And me, being a bitch and not wanting to be honest, yes, I know it was weird, was like "Nope. Haven't. But I will now that you've mentioned it." But in my head? I'm screaming, "She's your NUMBER 1. Of course I saw her. Hmm... Let me think about this. She's overweight, has no fashion sense, is 5'3", and has messed up teeth. Yeah... Hot... Oh but she has big boobs so he probably loves that. Ex GF 1; Me 5." And then I realized that there's a highly coveted spot in hell for me complete with a very hot fireplace. Fuck.

xoxo,

Cyn

The Car Guy's Roommate

This was from a few weeks ago. I still need to write up about Car Guy, but needless to say, didn't work out. Which is okay.

It's been interesting hanging out with the Car Guy this week. In fact, it's been a lot of fun. But the most interesting part hasn't been him (don't get me wrong, he's amazing), but his roommate (who is ridiculously eccentric). Being privy to conversations between two bachelors in their late twenties to early thirties has afforded me a new outlook on guys trying to date.

The first night I found his roommate extremely funny and eccentric. He told good stories and enjoyed being in the limelight. In fact, he talked up the Car Guy really well and made quite the testimonial about him. We all even managed to laugh over some YouTube videos. The second night I found his roommate slightly intrusive but not for any other reason then the fact that he obviously wanted to hang out with us. We hadn't walked into the house for even ten minutes because he started telling us how he just broke up with his rich girlfriend. The conversation that ensued was him explaining to me that he could no longer be with here because they were spiritually different and see was a leech on his spirituality. However, to quote him, "She was a good fuck, she offered me the world. I could have had anything I wanted. But she we weren't on the same page spiritually." The interesting part of the conversation was his emphasis on words and lengthy explanations as to why it wasn't going to work out. And a small part of me felt happy that I was not the girl who would have been on the receiving end of that conversation that probably took an hour to simply say "This isn't working out." After the conversation the three of us spent about 30 minutes continuing to watch YouTube videos. Yes, my friends, I have started dating the YouTube guy. (But that's another story for another day.) The third night of hanging out with the Car Guy at his place, his roommate was home, but didn't immediately come out of his room. I asked if he was even home knowing that he had gone on a date. (Oh yes, the roommate is also on Match.com.) When he does come out, he's on the phone and it's mostly to turn the music down. Eventually we all start listening to music together and hanging out. Car Guy's Roommate starts talking about the types of girls he likes to date, etc., and the conversation quickly turns vulgar. There is a fine line of conversation that a girl wants to hear. I've been in on a lot of conversations with guys in the past, many of which have been inappropriate but this was the first time I deemed a conversation vulgar. Every other word was tit or boob or the "p" word, which is one of those words that girls just don't like. Upon further reflection and discussion, I started to wonder how this reflected upon the Car Guy. On the one hand, his roommate is one of those kids that will instigate arguments, continuing to do something that is obnoxious, and will intentionally annoy the shit out of you. So I could understand the Car Guy's hesitance about wanting to say anything about him being vulgar. On the other hand, grow some balls, show the girl who's pants you so desparately want to get into some respect, and tell him to shut the fuck up.

The last time I hung out with Car Guy and his roommate, which would turn out to be the very last time Car Guy and I hung out, we all went to dinner. And to exemplify the Car Guy's Roommate's personality, I will share one last anecdote about him. The roommate is an english teacher. We started discussing what books he is having his classes read, etc. And starts naming off sex-type books. Knowing full well that public schools would not allow sex affiliated books into the reading list, I went along with the conversation that ended up being over half an hour. Finally he's like, "I'm just fucking with you." And I just laugh, because, hi, duh. And he's like, "I can't faze you, can I?" And that pretty much sums up the roommate. He's the kid that says the most inappropriate things. He tries to "impress" people with his stories, which, I admit, are quite funny. But mostly, I think he just likes to "faze" people.

More on the Car Guy soon!

xoxo,
Cyn

Does technology ruin our chances at love?

In a world where we can know exactly when a person last logged onto Myspace, facebook, or even into Match, does technology hinder us from finding love? Are we armed with more technology to "stalk" potential crushes then we can handle?

Do we have too many sources to keep tabs on the people we dating? Myspace tells you the last time a person logged on and will even let you know when they last updated their profile. Facebook goes so far as to tell you mini-stories about every one of you friends on your homepage. But does all this freedom really hurt our chances at finding something substantial? We can tell the last person dated through Myspace and probably even see their profile. If the current "crush" still has a ton of comments on their page or pictures, or keeps their ex in their Top Whatever, what is the "crusher" to think? And as women, do we over-analyze the possible outcomes of these comments and placement of friends? Myspace event lets you know when your message has been read, and you can always check their page to find out if they accepted your comment.

I have a friend who blocks her number to call guys that haven't responded to her calls. And if that doesn't work, it's onto her friends to make those awkward calls of "Is Jeremiah there?" when really the kids name is Matt. And all to find out if he's just ignoring her or is too busy for the phone. I myself have fallen in love with the fact that Verizon lets you see when a text message has been received by a person who also has Verizon. But what sense of security can this really give us? It's not like we can call the guys (or girls) out on for not answering the phone. Especially at the beginning of the "relationship". And why can't we just let it go? What makes us so neurotic that if a guy doesn't answer our call that we freak out? Is it because we are given too much information and ability to find things out?

For a small fee, Match will let you see when a person reads the message you send them. Is $10 really worth it to know that he did read the email but that he didn't take the 10 minutes to write you back? And if it says that he's been on in the last x hours, does that mean that he went on there, saw your wink or email, and then decided that you were not in fact worth those 10 precious minutes of typing an email? This conundrum has plagued my co-worker who, I think, would prefer to not know the last time someone was actually on the site. It gives you an easy sense and reason to write them off. Who needs to talk to someone who can't respond to you as soon as they get online? And, in the case of me from time to time, if they email you a few days later, what is proper etiquette for asking why they pulled a Houdini? But in the end, we both agreed that the response to the question of why they disappeared often speaks louder than if they had responded sooner. No response? Writing them off is worth your time now. Witty banter with no good reason? Worth the next email but get to the date sooner rather than later. To the point, I've-been-swamped-at-work? Worth the emails and finding out if your schedules will ever mesh well.

So, are we armed with more technology then we can handle?

Take 2, Date Number 1 thru ? - The Car Guy

On Monday sometime in the far distant past, I had my first date with the Car Guy. Car Guy is aptly named because he is not only passionate about his car, he refers to "her" as his "lover". (Which makes me laugh because I automatically think of Carrie from SATC saying, "Hello, Lover." Which spirals into my thinking of how she referred to the Russian - luvor. Which goes to me calling Google Nicole's lover. Yeah. It's twisted.) Anyway, after a few emails and match chatting, the Car Guy and I decide that In N Out is in order for dinner because, well, quite frankly, I'm in love with In N Out. So on a Monday night in the not too distant past, I set out on a 30 minute drive to city where Car Guy lives. (Long story as to why we couldn't go to the In N Out literally down the street from my house.)

(Okay. I should point out that this has taken me well over a month to write. I will try to be concise.)

For about two weeks, Car Guy and I hang out almost every day. I sleep very little and eat even less. Anyone that knows me knows that this is a very volatile situation for me to be in. Over the course of the two weeks, I spend a lot of time at his apartment, and met his roommate. (There's already a posting about him.) His roommate isn't really that impressive to me. I'm sure there are reasons for this, and probably the most prominent is that he's one of those people that will intentionally get under your skin. Regardless, this posting isn't about him. It's about the Car Guy.

The Car Guy is one of those cocky guys who's very much into what he likes, and is very rarely interested in hearing what other people have to say. In fact, Car Guy was even racist. (Deal breaker anyone?) From day 1 I told Car Guy that I wasn't just looking for a hook up. Granted, we had some amazing chemistry, and I think that if I had just wanted a hook up I probably could have without any questions asked. The short story is that it didn't work out with the Car Guy. I think we both knew it from the second date. He would say things that intrinsically annoy me, and I'm sure I did the same. He wasn't a classic gentleman (do they even exist?) and I probably put up with more than I should have. I'm sure he hearted me as a date as well. He wasn't all bad, just didn't have the best timing. In fact, the ending of it is what warrants this as post worthy.

A few weeks ago I got my latest tattoo. For those of you who don't know me, I got an Aboriginal Platypus on the back of my neck in memory of my boyfriend who passed away. It took me a long time to pick out the design and even longer to get it. In the end, I never quite understood the emotional ramifications that would come with this tattoo. Two days after I got the tattoo (and two emotional days about it) I hung out with the Car Guy. I went out to dinner with him and his roommate (see the other posting). Afterwards we just hung out and listened to music. By around 11 I said I needed to go home. The Car Guy, being somewhat of a gentlemen (I never said I didn't contradict myself), walked me to my car. There, after a fairly hot make out session against my car (I will happily refrain from the conversation so as to not make my brother uncomfortable), it comes up again as to why I had been upset for two days about my tattoo. Not 3 minutes after I tell him the whole story, he's like "Well, since you keep asking me to be honest with you..." And all I can think of is, "Really? Now? You know I've had a shitty week. You know I'm emotional. Now is when you are going to choose to have this conversation?" Him, "Me and Roommate, we're nice guys. We're just looking for some fun." I interject here to point out that he should never had put himself in the same category as his roommate. I didn't think highly of his roommate. "I just don't see this going anywhere long term. Like I'm having fun and all, but I can see you falling in love with me, and I don't think we have anything in common, and I don't want to hurt you. Almost all of my relationships start out like this and before I know it, I'm in a relationship." Umm, hi! We've known each other 10 days. I'm falling in love with you? I don't even know your middle name. My response, "Really? You are choosing now to have this conversation? Brilliant. Because my week wasn't shitty enough." Him, "I still want to be friends. I still want you to call and text me." Me, "We can't be friends. I can't be friends with someone I'm attracted to. And you want me to stick it out so that you can have someone around you that's into you? Yeah. Not going to happen." This conversation goes on for a while. It's me not quite understanding what's happened and him trying to explain himself. In the end I was like "I can't be friends with you." And he agreed that that probably wouldn't work out. I left. He stood outside my car, and I left without looking back at him.

Despite the dramatic ending and all the drama that followed the next 4 days (cherry on top, anyone?) this actually turned out to be one of the best catalysts in my dating life. It forced me to deal with some issues from the past two plus years that I have been conveniently ignoring. It also made me realize that guys do things girls do all the time. They try to turn something into something it's not. In retrospect, I feel like we wanted different things and that he thought he could turn it into a hook up. (He may have been successful if he hadn't brought everything up that night.) I probably wanted to see if anything more serious would come from it. Regardless, we haven't talked since then. The bummer is that he had a cd I wanted a copy of.

xoxo,
Cyn

A Few Conclusions About Dating

So I went on my first date of the second round of online dating on Monday. I would say that it was rather successful and turned into hanging out several times this week. And it's weird. I don't have this odd inclination to type out everything we talked about and poke fun at his idiosyncrasies. At least not yet. Maybe because I may be developing the smallest of crushes on The Car Guy. So, instead, I will share with you the fun of things I have learned about myself, my co-workers and friends during the last two weeks while discussing my re-entrance into the realm of online dating.

Inevitably, almost everyone has a story about a bad online date. My co-worker has several, but it appears that I take the cake for them. Upon discussing online dating, my co-worker and I chatted (and dissected) why there is never a second date when one expects there to be one. Date numero uno may have gone fantastic in one person's mind, but apparently not the case in the other person's mind. I even fell victim to this. Recently my co worker went on a great first date but the guy never called her after. And I just have to wonder. Is it really too hard to make it more obvious that you aren't feeling the other person? Or do I just live in an idealistic world where everyone says what they think and feel?

Also recent, I learned that another of my co workers was going into the dating world again for the first time in two years, which is admirable. She found my blog not only uplifting, but I think she figured that her date wouldn't be half as bad as any of my bad dates. Her one complaint? The guy couldn't figure out what he wanted to do. Girls always get shit for not being able to make a decision, but as a man in this day and age, it's actually quite sexy (and nice) if you already have a plan of what you want to do for the first date.

And lastly, Kel and I sent numerous emails this week about my "many" dates with the Car Guy. Upon further inspection, we both realized that we are absolutely horrible at showing guys we are interested in them in the beginning. We aren't naturally great huggers or touchy feely people, something that is not only expected in dating, it's practically required. So do guys just assume we aren't interested? Kel and I don't know. Any guys out there want to take a stab at this one?

So, the conclusions. A second date will never be when you expect it. Guys need to learn how to re-take the reins (at least for the first date), and Kel and I need to learn to be more open with hugs.

xoxo,

Cyn

And the search continues...

And so the search continues...

Upon re-joining Match.com, I quickly started to search for new boys, started winking at a few, and getting ready to prove Match wrong that 6 months is not long enough to find love. The first few searches yielded little fun. In fact, many of my past "dates" ended up in the results. They were quickly "x'd" out to prevent them from continuing to come up in the searches. (And odd that so many of them were still on there. I'm telling you, Match, love can NOT be found in 6 months.)

After a few different tweeks of my profile and my "search" requests, I started to find some new, slightly more interested men on the internet. I quickly started throwing out some winks and an email or two. Then I took a moment to reflect on the whole process of online dating and match.com as a whole. In reality, there aren't too many aspects one can "search" for another, but online dating tries to make it easy for you by giving you all these "characteristics" that one can search. But they are ridiculously mundane and simplistic. For the most part, there is an age range, height, hair color, eye color, faith, ethnicity, etc. There isn't a "psycho", "obsessive", or "socially inept" buttons. I mean, really? But I guess everyone has to start somewhere.

Anyway, I'll close letting you know that there are a few conversations, a potential "In N Out" date, and maybe a few boys that everyone will enjoy hearing about.